Why Rushing Into Parenthood Can Hurt More Than Help

I know what it feels like to want children so badly that it aches. But here’s something I also learned the hard way: just because you can try doesn’t mean you should. Parenthood is a blessing, yes—but only when you are ready in body, mind, wallet, and heart. Rushing it can create struggles that love alone cannot fix.

💔 My Own Story

I was once married. We dreamed of children like every couple does. But my wife had been struggling with anorexia since her teenage years, and her body carried the scars of that battle. Infertility was the result. On my end, I wasn’t any better—I was 40 years old at the time, a heavy smoker for 15 years, and my sperm health had declined. The odds weren’t in our favor.

That combination—her past struggles, my unhealthy habits, and the simple reality of age—meant that conceiving was nearly impossible. It hurt. It still does, sometimes.

But that painful chapter also gave me a perspective I wish someone had told me when I was younger: parenthood isn’t just about desire. It’s about readiness.

⏳ Too Young to Start?

The couple I was speaking to was just 21. Barely starting adult life. And my instinctive thought was this: you are too young. Not too young to love. Not too young to dream. But too young to carry the weight that raising a child demands.

People don’t like to hear that. It sounds harsh, almost insulting. But think about it: do you want to bring a child into a world where you’re still figuring out how to pay rent, finish school, or even define your own career path? Babies are a blessing, yes, but they are not toys. They deserve the very best their parents can give.

And if you’re in your early 20s, the truth is you probably don’t have those pieces in place yet.
And that’s okay. You will. Just not now.

💰 Money Isn’t Everything, But It Matters

Let’s talk about money—an uncomfortable topic, but a real one. Raising a child from diapers to university costs more than most young couples imagine. And no, you don’t need to be millionaires before you have children. But you do need a foundation.

When you’re young, instead of rushing into parenthood, you can focus on:

• Getting your degree or trade certification. Education is an investment that keeps paying off.
• Building skills outside of formal school. Hairdressing, coding, carpentry—anything that gives you more streams of income when times get tough.
• Saving for the future. Not just diapers, but a safe place to live, ideally with space for each child to grow.

Because here’s the truth: financial stress doesn’t just hurt your bank account. It hurts your marriage. It wears down your mental health. And it creates tension that children can feel even if you think they can’t.

🧠 Emotional Maturity

This part is harder to measure, but it matters just as much. I’ve seen young parents assume that love will carry them through. Love is powerful, but it cannot replace patience. It cannot replace the wisdom that comes from a few more years of living, failing, and growing.

When you’re young, arguments can explode faster. Stress feels heavier. And parenting multiplies that stress by ten. Sleepless nights, crying spells, tantrums—none of these care how much you love each other.

That’s why counseling or mentorship is so valuable. Sitting with a psychologist, a priest or pastor, or even teachers who work with children every day can give you insights you’d never think of on your own. You start learning before you’re thrown into the fire.

📚 Learn Parenting Before Parenthood

I sometimes tell younger couples: parenting is like driving. You don’t just hop in the car and hope love will steer you straight. You practice, you study, you prepare.

Practical ways to start:

• Attend parenting classes offered by hospitals or community centers.
• Talk with daycare staff or school teachers about what they’ve seen work (and not work).
• Read about developmental stages so you know what’s normal and what isn’t.
• Practice patience with each other now—because that habit will save you later.

None of this makes you perfect parents. But it gives you a head start. And children deserve parents who have at least studied the map before starting the journey.

🚪 Freedom Before Babies

Here’s something I didn’t realize when I was young: babies tie you down. Not in a bad way, but in a real way.

Before children, you can move cities for a better job, live with roommates to save money, or take risks in your career. Once you have kids, every move becomes ten times harder. Suddenly it’s not just about what’s best for you—it’s about what’s safe and stable for them.

That’s why those extra years of freedom before kids matter. They give you the chance to move, explore, experiment, and then settle with more confidence.

🕰️ The Case for Waiting

So why wait until 25, or even 30? Because by then:

• You’ve had time to build savings and stability.
• You’ve grown emotionally through real-life experience.
• You and your partner have faced challenges together and know how to solve them.
• You’ve given yourself the flexibility to move, learn, and explore before planting deep roots.

In short: you’re more ready. Not perfect, but more prepared. And that preparation makes life easier not just for you—but for your child.

🌼 Final Reflections

I’m not here to tell anyone how to live. Every story is different. Some young parents thrive. Some older ones struggle. But if I could sit across the table from my 21-year-old self, this is what I’d say:

“Slow down. Build first. Learn first. Grow first. Then bring a child into the world.”

Because babies aren’t experiments. You don’t get to “practice” with Baby #1 and then do better with Baby #2. They deserve your best from day one.

Good things really do happen to those who wait. And sometimes, waiting is the greatest act of love you can show your future children.